You have to leave them behind.

You have to leave them behind...

My mother was close to eighty when she died.  She was a heavy smoker and the effects seemed to be revisiting her and her lungs and heart gave out.  I talked to her on Wednesday and heard a hint that she thought she might not make it this time.  She went to the hospital on Thursday.  On Friday I had the sense that if I wanted to see her alive again I had to get to the hospital that day.

My sister, brother-in-law, my husband and I all got to the hospital that day.  By midnight my mother was in some sort of coma, unable to speak.  We hoped she could hear us, so we talked to her and held her hands and tried to make sure she knew we were there supporting her.   I whispered in her ear that it was okay if she was ready to die, that we could let her leave this world and go where she needed to go.  About 3 am she did.  She died, my sister I at her side.  There was just a body where our mother used to be, and we knew she had departed.  We had a new grief to bear.  

But she always was strong and showed us that strength is all about getting yourself and others through tough times.  Even in death my mother was a ‘survivor.’  She knew she was going to die yet she was able to handle that crazy prospect by taking it right down the middle.  Her faith carried her and gave her the willpower to turn her back on fear

Denial says: 'Mountain? What mountain? I don't see a mountain?'

I certainly don't have all the answers, but it's empowering to try to simplify this mysterious life and put into words the thoughts and feelings that can seem so hard to understand.  That's why I titled my blog as I did and I will try to distill my experiences down to some active verbs:  Think, talk, listen, and discuss.  I could add hope, learn and reach to the list.