Christmas Wish for All - 2011

I wish I had something to put in everyone’s goodie bag this Christmas:  sanity, courage, a peace treaty, enthusiasm and a caring nature for all.

2011 – gone by so quickly! 

By the time I was 50, I’d lived in 11 states and more towns to count and held 12 jobs with different companies in addition to more jobs within the same companies to count.  Each packing up had been a nightmare but moving on became rejuvenation, adventure, therapy, and a way to take regular inventory and shed unnecessary stuff.

I hope our recent move to the Banks will be the last move for many years.  As they say, I want to put down roots here.  The culture is relaxed and laid back.  I’m filled with awe every time I look at the beautiful land and seascapes, sunrises and sunsets, and waterfowl and land creatures moving freely in the marshes. 

My goals for the coming year are to channel my enthusiasm into pursuits that bring balance and purpose and not to procrastinate facing challenges which will help me to keep growing, learning, and getting better.  My holiday wish for you is the same as my wish for myself.

Merry Christmas to all my friends and family!! 

Christmas 2011

We put our Christmas tree on the deck so it can be seen from the causeway.  This is the first Christmas tree Jay and I have put up because, in previous years,  we were usually somewhere else beside home for the holidays.  

very brief update from the Banks

Jay's first week back at work...his desk is in front of a huge window that looks out at the marsh so I think he will slip in some bird watching. Last night several Great Blue Herons came up on our boardway. The woman who is in charge of hiring teachers here lives down the street. Her husband is on the architectual review board with me but I haven't met her yet. As soon as we have furniture I'm going to wander down there and invite her and hubby in for coffee and breakfast rolls. I would like a part time reading teacher position...we'll see. (It was their mailbox I almost took out yesterday on my first scooter ride...) Also Albemarle Community College is right next door and they have a very active arts program so I'm going to sign up for some classes this spring.

Can You Believe It's Been 24 Years!!!

When I met Jay I wasn’t in the market for marriage.  In addition to my divorce, I had amassed a collection of relationships that fueled my doubtful outlook.  Jay on the other hand was a relentless tide of optimism.  He told me I could count on him to make everything right.  He told me we would have enough money I would never have to work more than I already had.  He told me he would always be in control. 

Our 24^th wedding anniversary is in two weeks. There have been times when Jay wasn’t in control of everything as he had promised and clouds arrived in paradise.  My usual response in times like those was not always graceful:  1.  Leave him.   2.  Stay with him and blame him.  or 3.  Stay with him, take it personally and blame myself.   With Jay, when disappointments came,   I just stayed,  no blame.  He has stopped promising me the world. 

We are happy together,  He’s a good person for me.  He can be slow and deliberate; much different from what I had in mind.  But the best part is I can continue to dream but if the dreams don’t come true, I’m not alone to pick up the pieces.  

You have to leave them behind.

You have to leave them behind...

My mother was close to eighty when she died.  She was a heavy smoker and the effects seemed to be revisiting her and her lungs and heart gave out.  I talked to her on Wednesday and heard a hint that she thought she might not make it this time.  She went to the hospital on Thursday.  On Friday I had the sense that if I wanted to see her alive again I had to get to the hospital that day.

My sister, brother-in-law, my husband and I all got to the hospital that day.  By midnight my mother was in some sort of coma, unable to speak.  We hoped she could hear us, so we talked to her and held her hands and tried to make sure she knew we were there supporting her.   I whispered in her ear that it was okay if she was ready to die, that we could let her leave this world and go where she needed to go.  About 3 am she did.  She died, my sister I at her side.  There was just a body where our mother used to be, and we knew she had departed.  We had a new grief to bear.  

But she always was strong and showed us that strength is all about getting yourself and others through tough times.  Even in death my mother was a ‘survivor.’  She knew she was going to die yet she was able to handle that crazy prospect by taking it right down the middle.  Her faith carried her and gave her the willpower to turn her back on fear

Denial says: 'Mountain? What mountain? I don't see a mountain?'

I certainly don't have all the answers, but it's empowering to try to simplify this mysterious life and put into words the thoughts and feelings that can seem so hard to understand.  That's why I titled my blog as I did and I will try to distill my experiences down to some active verbs:  Think, talk, listen, and discuss.  I could add hope, learn and reach to the list.